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An Open Letter To My Breath-Taking Quarantine Lover

  • 3 min read

Attention! Content might be sexy and contagious!

Dear quarantine lover,

You know the fairy tale about the isolated, perpetually single Rapunzel, don’t you? That’s how I feel. I’m the girl in quarantine up in my high tower, singing to myself, ‘who wants to be in quarantine with me?’

You’re my whistling prince charming who managed to climb up my tower by pulling my Covid-style long hair. Because quarantine with you is a fairytale love adventure, isn’t it?

I’m hot as hell

Honestly, I only have one weakness and that’s you. Sometimes I ask myself: are you disinfectant, because I’ve been searching for you everywhere.

I’m glad you weren’t looking for somebody who wasn’t infected by the virus. Because I’m hot as hell, aren’t I? And you needn’t worry that I’ll meet anyone else. You’re the only one I want to be within six feet of. Because baby, it’s Covid outside.

Masks on, but trousers optional

Like the virus, no one saw our love coming. Maybe it was your mask. It brings out the beauty in your eyes. Really, I couldn’t stop looking ah-chooo.

At first sight, I knew you could be my prince charming, with ultra-soft toilet paper in your arms, but also a naughty boy with your rough hands — thanks to constant hand-washing.

Moreover, your lockdown hairstyle is just sexy; a long-haired Tarzan with a beard to show your manhood. To be honest, I don’t mind spending two weeks in bed with you.

My motto? Masks on, but trousers optional. Because, baby, I’m your stimulus package, guaranteed to improve your health.

BTW, is that hand sanitizer in your pocket?

No, really! When you smile, it’s contagious. Without you, my life would be as empty as supermarket shelves in times of hoarding. For you, I’d even take the chance of visiting the supermarket to buy your favourite ice cream or share my last roll of toilet paper with you.

And have you noticed? You can’t spell virus without U and I? I’ll be honest: I love being barricaded in our flat for a few weeks; I already miss you when you’re in another room. So I wonder, is ‘I miss you’ also a Covid symptom?

By the way, is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

One thing is for sure: Covid and I have something in common: You’ll need a ventilator when we’re through with you.


Your feverish fairytale quarantine lover


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