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How I Quit My Job To Become A Family Manager

  • 4 min read

and my husband is my assistant

As a new mom, I went from being a marketing manager to a family manager. The latter, you could also call a project manager.

That’s a well-paid job in the free economy, isn’t it?

But in family life, you are a manager on the side.

All the supposedly self-evident and invisible managerial tasks with little to no appreciation are really exhausting and stressful.

Here’s more.

First, I got my new job description all wrong

It took a while until I understood what my new job description was.

As the family manager, you are expected to be…

  • grateful
  • loving
  • and reserved.

We’re not allowed to whine or wish for self-care time, are we?

The mental load is just crazy

Have you ever heard of the buzzword ‘mental load’? Me neither, until I came across a book by Eve Rodsky.

Eve is a wife, a mother, AND a New York Times bestselling author.

‘Mental load’ refers to the mental burden that arises within the family.

  • As a (new) mother you become the project manager.
  • The person who keeps everything from falling apart.

Well, do we want to be this person?

It just doesn’t matter. We just have to be this person.

I’m the breadwinner, you’re the mother

When I wake up in the morning I already have a To-Do list in my head telling me what I have to manage.

During the day, I go through it. ALL.THE.TIME.

Moreover, I feel like it’s my job to remind my husband of his chores.

To be honest, especially in the early days of parenthood, it felt like if I was his boss and he was my assistant.

Luckily, he didn’t say something like:

I’m the breadwinner, you’re the mother.

I heard this a lot from other mothers.

This image of the caretaker and the breadwinner comes from our capitalist economy. Man and woman are seen as resources.

One takes care of the family and the other earns the money.

From my point of view, this image is no longer up to date. Our understanding of fatherhood and masculinity needs an update. Feminist dads are on the rise.

Feminism is a framework. A variable tool to make intentional decisions that are anti-sexist, non-violent, gender-sensitive, and flexible.

It’s all about a fair play

I expect my partner to satisfy my emotional needs. I’m sure you too!

Unfortunately, too many mothers don’t stand up for their right to feel loved and cared for.

Playing a fair game is vital for every relationship.

Eve Rodsky makes the case for fair play in her NYT bestseller called ‘Fair Play’.

Interestingly, surveys show that sex and a fair division of household tasks are related.

If the division of tasks is fair, the frequency of sex increases.

Final Takeaways

When you’re about to become or already are in the middle of being a family manager, take a moment to reflect on your current job description.

  • Are you happy with it?
  • Do you feel heard and seen?
  • Are your emotional needs being met?
  • Do you live the life you want to live?

If you say ‘No!’ to one of the questions, stand up for your right for divided tasks and household harmony.

Dare to reclaim more space and time for yourself.

© Kristina God

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Thanks for making my words part of your day. I’m Kristina God, 12x Top Writer & one of the Top 2,000 Writers.

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