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The One Eternal Love Rule To Rule Them All

  • 5 min read

60,000 books on love relationships and one simple rule to follow.

Imagine if you bought an amazing car and you never changed the oil. Eventually, you would have a wreck. Now, imagine you are in a great partner relationship and you never ‘oil’ it. Likewise, it wouldn’t thrive and eventually, you would break up. But what is the ‘oil’ to a relationship that keeps the engine running and makes it successful?


If you feel stuck in your relationship, it’s not too late to change

When you type in ‘love relationship’ on Amazon, there are 60,000 books available. They offer helpful advice in almost all areas of a partner relationship. To be honest, I used to read these self-help books because I consistently wanted to work on the relationship with my former boyfriend and now husband.

Unfortunately, now, time is limited as a young mother. I’m happy when I can ‘listen’ to one audiobook every month. Nevertheless, especially as a young ‘crunch time parent’, keeping track of your love relationship is key. It’s the most challenging stage I’ve ever been in my life. Becoming a parent is a transition and having a baby can be a disaster for your love relationship.

Indeed, studies show that within the first three years of a baby’s life, two-thirds of couples experience a big drop in their overall relationship happiness and satisfaction.

You may feel stuck in your relationship more than at any time in your life. But it’s not too late.

Therefore, for all couples who haven’t yet had the joy of having a baby, it’s the perfect time to find out what the ‘oil’ is that keeps the engine of your relationship running.

If you have the feeling…

… there’s one simple rule to rule them all.


Are you able to put your ego aside?

No matter in which stage of your love life you may be, you can steer your ship back in the right direction. There’s one rule for love I learned that can make a difference.

Imagine it’s evening. Your day has been very exhausting and all you want is peace and stillness, to switch off and go to bed. But as you brush your teeth and look at your partner’s face in the mirror, you realize that he seems to be sad. It’s a small but crucial moment. What do you do? How do you react?

When you’re in pain, I’m here for you

Love photo created by lookstudio

You could turn away from your partner’s sadness by thinking ‘I’m always dealing with his negativity. That sucks. I can do better.’ Or you could approach your partner’s sadness by asking what the matter is and why he’s sad. According to marriage expert John Gottman, by doing the latter, you attune with your partner, and you signal:

‘Hey baby, when you’re in pain, be assured the world stops and I’m gonna listen to you. No matter what.’

Certainly, in order to put this rule of attunement into practice, you have to put your ego in the backseat. You have to dedicate time to listen in order to understand compassionately what your partner is saying. But if you adopt this simple rule, it can connect you with your partner on a deep, meaningful level. By attuning to your partner, you show loving attention, respect and gratitude for having your companion in life. That’s the ‘oil’ of a successful relationship. If you don’t follow this rule, all the other tips you may read in the 60,000 self-help books won’t help you.

Even if my husband is upset with me. Even if he thinks I’ve done something to hurt him, I intend to attune to him on a daily basis, without getting mad. By being sensitive, I show him that our love relationship is priority for me and he is the most important person in the world. Through this, I build and reinforce trust. We deepen our relationship and make it stronger.


My Final Thoughts

  • Although it’s simple and not rocket science to ask your partner what’s on his/her mind in order to connect emotionally, in our daily relationship grind, we often forget about the most important rule.
  • Make time for one another and constantly show interest in one another.
  • Signal, in whatever you do or say: ‘Baby, I’m here for you.’
  • Attunement is and remains the basis of long-term trust and the foundation of a healthy, successful relationship when we let it evolve naturally.

Try to be more mindful. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain🥰.

Best,

Kristina



‘Let’s get relational’ tags from me for you (thanks for reading my latest articles😘):

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